On Virginity

Certain touchy subjects are often hard for teens to discuss freely.

Its definitely not because the world we live in is at all conservative; frankly, we are the least conservative people of our history. Hell, my eight-year-old sister has memorized the blatantly crude lyrics of Nicki Minaj's new single "Black Barbie" and has recited to me what her seven-year-old friend has accurately explained sex to be.

No, it's not the lack of exposure we have to a variety of media and unlimited access to the pornographic side of Tumblr. We have way more of that than we need in my opinion...

Nevertheless, it's not the crudeness of touchy subjects that make them so difficult for us to talk about: it's exactly the opposite.

People are so open nowadays that little about the personal lives of our peers are left to the imagination. It's as though every move we make is being monitored, observed, and judged with every action we take, almost as though there is yet another conspiracy at play.

The word of the mouth has been elevated to a whole new level in the last couple of years due to the uprising of social media. Salacious pictures are easier to send through the "discreetness" of apps like Snapchat, making them easier to ask for. Racy images and quickly spread information about the personal lives of each individual gives everyone a certain "reputation." Interestingly, those whose reps look bad on paper are usually those who thrive socially and are considered more "normal" than those who do not. 

Strange as it may seem, it's true. In our society, I have observed, it is often more respectable for men and women alike to be considered a "slut" than a "prude." Still being a virgin by the end of high school is more unlikely now than it was only a decade ago due to nothing more than social pressures.

At the beginning of my junior year of high school, I had nonchalantly told a buddy of mine that I was a virgin. We proceeded to have a thirty-minute long argument because he refused to believe me. 

It seemed so unreal to him that someone as outgoing as me had still been a virgin. His belief and reasoning seemed to be based on the idea that any girl past their underclassmen years has had the opportunity to lose their virginity and that, because the opportunity was provided, they would always choose to do it. 

In my opinion, it's a little sad, really, that a girl who chooses to respect her body and wait until she finds someone she would not regret having sex with is such an anomaly...

By saying this I am not trying to put my buddy down. He was in all sincerity consumed by the social ideas set before he was even of the age to have these viewpoints, as are many of my peers and friends.

Now, I am not putting myself above anybody else by writing this. I am, as if not more, guilty than my friend for succumbing to this ideal. Although it took me "longer" to lose my virginity than it did many of my peers, I had done a variety of other sex-related things beforehand with multiple partners. I had not done those things completely out of my desire to fit in, as I, like most of us, am a human being with certain needs. But social status did have a large impact on my decision to commit many of the obscenities I had committed.

Having said that, I still hold the firm belief that anybody should have the ability to do whatever the hell they want. My point here is not to crap on people who chose to do things the conventional way. I'm just trying to say that not all things we talk about should be circled around who's done who and whatnot, and they should certainly not become a factor in how "cool" somebody is considered.

On the opposing side, I would like to take a minute off of this point to propose an argument that contradicts some of what I just wrote about. 

For a long time, I held the belief that it's alright for me to do whatever with whoever except for sex. I was waiting until I had a boyfriend so that I was comfortable and sure about what I was doing primarily due to the morals I was taught and had grown up with. 

The issue with that is I was ready to get it over with for a year before it actually happened. I was so hung up on the idea of doing it the "proper" way that I just let myself second guess all things related to this subject for an entire year. I didn't want to be considered a slut.

Eventually, it became clear to me that although I was ready for sex, I was certainly not ready for a boyfriend. I realized that my inability to settle for anybody was not because I was a picky bitch (which I very much am) but because I don't believe I could truly and happily devote myself to one person at the time. 

The whole dream of a perfect candlelit night with the first love is, with all due respect, in my opinion, a whole bunch of baloney. I lost it with a very good friend of mine on an insanely drunken New Years Eve and I couldn't be happier with it. The expectations for something that at one point will become so normal for so many of us are, to put it bluntly, unnecessary. 

Touchy subjects essentially conquer multiple aspects of our lives. But making decisions based on the worry of how others will view them is malarkey. At this point, being socially respectable has way too many ironic meanings. 

If anybody is worth your time, they will not choose to base their view of you on whether you've given someone a blow job. The more people who will choose to follow this ideal, I believe, the closer we can be to creating a less obnoxiously drama controlled world.