Can't Sleep #8: I'm Drunk

Whoa… squarespace made it much easier to make posts at 2 am off an iPhone… I’m impressed…

anyway… if you’re not aware, I have a separate “blog” type category called “insomnia” and you should totally read it to have any context to what I’m gonna write in this post…

anyway…

I’m in love with this boy… yeah, the one sleeping next to me.

he’s snoring a little… but I don’t mind…

we spent all night disturbing the roommates. The texts on my phone don’t lie… “shut up, we have work in the morning…” doesn’t matter to me. We have stuff we’ve been keeping off the time we haven’t seen each other.

He thinks I’m special. New flash to anyone that hasn’t read my separate blog, I’m a whore. I don’t care whether you’re a drug addict- criminal or whatever; I’m gonna fuck whoever’s down for ‘this’ body [motions at self]

i don’t know how I got here. I was obese, signaling to doctors that I’ve got an eating disorder [i eat when I’m stressed or depressed or whatever, bored or whatnot] and this little salesperson walks into my life….

hes perfect. Like something you see in the cheap, low budget Netflix shows that only gets one season “perfect”.

He comes over to get some. And I’m not above it.

I think he’s only around for sex.

Hey. It’s not like I’m a slut or whatever. I’m not just doing it for attention or whatnot. I think this boy really likes me.

He’s met my parents. He’s not addicted to drugs or anything else that’s bad for him. He nearly lived with me for about a month… but apparently that was too much for him.

He decided to spend most of his time at his house and only come to mine when he wants a shag. Which is fine, psychologically. We’re both very young, i’m sure the drunken “I’m gonna marry you”’s are over with and he’s sobered up a little from the honeymoon phase of our relationship. After all, it’s been almost half a year and it’s crazy to think otherwise.

Maybe, this is just a prolonged hookup. Nothing special type of thing. God knows, I’m ready to role play anything if someone else is.

Im desperate lately for a companion. I pushed my bestest friend away because… we’ll… that’s another post altogether but…

now ive got no one. But this boy…

this boy is busy. He’s got agendas and schedules and tons and tons of random shit he’s got to take care of. Many business things that are way more important than me.

Of course, I let him fascinate the illusion of being free. But he’s mine.

I want him to be around me the way he was around me when I first moved out of my house. He organized everything that was about our room, our house and even got silly fucked up enough to say that we should buy our own.

Newsflash: We’re getting our own place. He still comes over and we fuck like animals.