Can't Sleep #4: Narcissism

2:05 AM

I am wildly narcissistic.

I don't think it's a bad thing. It is who I am, and it is who I always was. I go through life in the thought that I am better at everything than the general public, and I am convinced that it's true.  

It stems, I think, from the fact that I know myself very well, better than most people. I invest a lot of time in personal philosophy, picking my influences carefully, and being conscious of my physical, emotional, and spiritual being. I am extremely in tune with myself. I know myself very well, and therefore, I know that I am better than the general public.

Narcissism shouldn't be scolded. If anything, narcissism should be encouraged, should be used as a form of motivation and self love. Too often I meet people stuck in the grasp of self doubt and self loathing, and they tend to be the most miserable, counterproductive people. Meeting a narcissist is a relief, considering it's a narcissist with high ambitions and a lust for achievement.

I am fascinated by people like Noel Gallagher, who knows he's a genius because of all the success he had in music. He talks of himself as a sort of god through whom pure gold emanates. But at the same time, he is self deprecating and motivated to go on further and further in his career. It is not only confusing, it's wildly inspiring. Narcissism, I think I'm trying to say, is not a problem for him. And it's not going to be a problem for me.  

I know I'm a genius. I know I'm going to be excellent at whatever I put my mind to, whether it's going to be working as a shampoo girl or running corporations. I am the type of person that finds a way to be the best at everything they do (unless it's school, of course. School is a completely different story: all that chaos and shifts in focus from subject to subject. No).  

There is, of course, a difference between knowing your worth and living in a deluded state of mind. Narcissism, in my mind, stands somewhere between the two. Yes, narcissism is an inflation of one's worth and achievements. Yes, narcissism can be caused by actual mental delusions and disorders. But casual narcissism, I feel, is so often beaten down by social customs of humility, abstinence from pleasure and self indulgence and overall politeness. It is marginalized as arrogance and impoliteness, where it really should be encouraged. Esteemed and egotistical people shouldn't be looked down on as ill mannered just because they are passionate about what they are, what they've done, what they're yet to achieve. Nevertheless, narcissists are often compliment seekers, work junkies, and ultra productive people that work for more and more reasons to believe that they are better than the general public, often creating things that no one has ever dreamed of.

Really, what I tried to explain was that there are benefits in being a narcissist, given that one stays between the lines of knowing his worth and delusion. I think I fit between those lines nicely, and for the time being, that is where I think I'll stay.